i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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