John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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