sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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