I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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