you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
