worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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