i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
