I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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