i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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