I just saw a hot homeless man
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
