He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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