So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
false alarm. still invincible.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
