My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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