she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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