so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize