I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it because I queefed?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
