Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
