The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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