you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
