You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize