If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
