the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
