If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
