Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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