I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
where am i from again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
