You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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