Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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