My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
