just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
