new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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