I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
