do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
