dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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