That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
