I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
