I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
