Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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