____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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