Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize