i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
