Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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