I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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