New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
