So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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