Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
