I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
