you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
