my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
