so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
