Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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