Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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