I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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