Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
