There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
