I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
