normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
