I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
