Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize