I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
