I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
