I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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