I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
