What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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