Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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