His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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