Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He kissed a someone with a penis
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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