So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
