I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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