Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
