Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
