no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
