Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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